January 2009
Jeannie, is like, someone we'd book...if we... →
Today's word...
“TOOTHPICK”
Steve Curtis,
Your tales of life are endearing, charming, and quipped with priceless words to lead the weary wonderer far from waiting wolves. I shall never see the simple sliver of wood as just a device for my cocktail weenies ever again. The toothpick will now represent those with too much wasteful time on their hands and a class I hope to one day spar at the poker...
Dee's- Where I'll be every Tuesday after work for... →
Very interesting....about me. →
Is there anyone on the teleprompter? →
Note to self: Always be suspicious that the person...
TO DO: January 28, 2009
1. Write Noam Chomsky a ‘thank you’ letter for helping me pass 11th grade progressive lit.
2. Call the “Tooth Man” and schedule my new permanent teeth appointment.
3. Win 3 Million dollars.
4. Drop off my numerous tuxedo jackets at the dry cleaners.
5. Find Dee’s Nut’s and buy more vegan chocolate chip cookies.
Oh boy. Windows closed tonight. →
What a wonderful place. Veganism (for real)... →
Naomi Campbell sweats Tyra Banks like R. Kelly at...
With long legs and a sophisticated, sultry style, Naomi Campbell was once the archetypal cover girl. Back in 1989. Naomi Campbell began acting like a spoiled, icy C-U-Next-Tuesday from her birth on May 22, 1970, a birthday she shares with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Sir Lawrence Olivier, who, being two wrinkled-up old white guys with snifters of port, tweed jackets, and suboptimal oral hygiene,...
Write a play, lamb. The theaters are empty. You don’t have to describe characters in depth. Simply put words in their mouths. Then your producer hires graceful, enchanting people to speak and move. How long is the play? About 100 pages, and a lot of every page is white space.
Love as always,
Kurt Vonnegut
Good Ole' Molly →
Who's affraid of lettuce? →
Let's do this...LEROY JENKINS!!!!!! →
Serious countdown begins today.
We may only see each another twice a year... but,...
ME: Hey- What are you doing.
AMANDA: Uh nothing. Saw you on TV again today.
ME: When was I on TV?
AMANDA: This whole week I saw previews for next weeks show and you were on it.
ME: Well, I guess I should be on TV more often, that way you could see me more.
AMANDA: Exactly.
I think it's charming that quarrygirl.com is a... →
Thank God for the Goatee Saver... and the mouth... →
“Those Claw Clips can give you brain pain!”
– hair comb infomercial
As a Vegan I'm both offended and tempted. →
“The Ellen Dee-Ja-Nair-Us Show is on the phone…”
– -NJ Man
Tampon flutes are instruments too.
ME: Hey, you can make a tampon turkey.
CHRIS: Tampon Turkey? That's got to be pretty dry.
ME: I don't think you're supposed to eat it.
CHRIS: I've never made anything out of tampons that I didn't eat.
ME: I think I need my inhaler.
CHRIS: Those tampon jokes dried out your lungs.
I've officially just peed in my office seat. I... →
“Someone has to be writing this down.”
– -My Mama recapping her day.
Oh hey my Mama...what's new...
MY MAMA: So I came home early on Wednesday and turned on Ellen...
ME: Oh, did you see the tape piece with Brandt?
MY MAMA: Uh yeah...I saw that too...
ME: Uh-huh.
MY MAMA: That was some pretty good dancing you did at the end of the show.
ME: Oh boy.
A Saturday full of adventure.
I haven’t yet gotten out of my pajamas….and still haven’t combed my hair…I woke up and went straight to the computer-where I’ve sat for hours, reading, typing, calling, searching, and occassionally eating.
It’s nearly the start of my Saturday as the hour grows late on the East Coast making it rude to phone anymore plane survivors.
And… now its time to...
I want to watch this....but its so painful...... →
Best part of a hectic, asthma induced, 2 show Thursday? Being called to with a “Hey Glo” by Hall-of-Famer Johnny Bench as he played catch with Joe Morgan while George Clooney peeked out the front of his bungalow. And enjoying a cold diet root beer….but in that moment that was second.
I feel bad that I'm not more excited.
I actually really like baseball (secretly)….and Johnny Bench is coming to the show tomorrow but I feel guilty for not being more excited. I mean after having researched the man and realizing the impact his had on the sport I almost feel like I should be in the mindset tomorrow to snag his used water bottles….but then here I am thinking how much I wish I was Dottie Hensen and anxious to...
